Abandon All Ships – Malocchio


Album

Malocchio

Label

Rise Records - Underground Entertainment

Year

2014

For Fans Of

I See Stars - Issues - Ear Bleeds

Summary

Possibly the worst thing to happen to music since Miley Cyrus' VMA performance.

Rating

0 / 100

Holy fuck! That’s probably the first thing that’s going to run through your mind when you listen to satire-electronica/metalcore band Abandon All Ships. Oh, what? They’re not a joke? You mean they’re serious about this? Well…that’s awkward.

 

In all honesty and all intended sincerity, this full-length is a sonic-atrocity. And that’s being nice about it. In the great list of things wrong with ‘Malocchio‘, the screams are probably up there at the top. In fact, they are not screams, they are hyena mating call impersonations. It’s almost as if the screamer cannot physically bring himself to even fathom something that remotely sounds like a ‘scream’ as such. They are beyond hoarse and as indescribable as your doctor’s hand-writing. 

 

The musical shortcomings extend to the production itself. There is a RIDICULOUS (it’s capped for a reason) amount of low end. So much so, it becomes laughable because if someone thought that sounded good then they would love to spend their time around machinery and earthworks due to the sounds. If it was a production mistake then it is probably no fault of AAS.

 

While it seems only fair to employ a "don’t ask about the electronic aspects" type of approach there are still major flaws that need addressing. It’s so hard to find the balance. When bands mix this aspect in it can be fantastic (Enter Shikari) or dreadful (I See Stars). But in next to all cases, the electronic bits would work absolutely brilliant on their own. Not here. From the way it sounds and the lack of diversity, it’s almost as if the band used Garage Band on the iPhone to create the electronics. It does nothing for the album and its songs, and only serves to annoy and ruin what is already a ruined album. In other words, please refrain from pissing on the dog corpse.

 

Oh and then there’s the fact that after all this, every song sounds the same. No joke. If you have this on less than half volume you will mistake every song as one big long metalcore trash. The same breakdowns, riffs, samples, screams and over-auto tuned vocal melodies. And as per a lot of bands nowadays, the lyrics are so poorly written and presented it is clear they were written just for lyrical rhyme. They don’t follow the same theme structure and feel so mixed mashed you will not relate to them at all.

Conclusion

This album is awful. Absolutely. Awful. It is so awful in fact, it can only be recommended to the CIA as a form of torture method. Hear that America, need that terrorist to talk? Show them lead single ‘Cowboys’ and they’ll spill the beans on the nuke codes. With the same song pretty much on loop for all ten songs, and with those ten songs being an awful blend of poor electronics and woefully generic metalcore you’ll hate this album.
Although it seems harsh to give this album a score of zero and it is true it won’t give your computer a virus or explode your speakers, that is actually a far more desirable experience then listening to the album. If you play these songs backwards, you’ll hear messages from the devil, worse, if you play them forward, you’ll actually hear the songs themselves. 

Tracklisting

1.     Reefer Madness  
2. Trapped  
3. High Roller  
4. Bloor Street West 
5. Miracle  
6. Alive" (feat. Astrokrat)
7. Cowboys  
8. Malocchio 
9. Centipede 
10. Paradise  

4 Responses to “Abandon All Ships – Malocchio”

  1. Alex.K

    Wow! Such hate for this album… As well as playing guitar in a metal band with my mates, I produce electronic music as a hobby. The amount of technicality gone into this album when it comes to an electronic point of view is pretty astounding. I think they have blended the mix of heavy post-hardcore and edm together well. You can not put this band in the same category is Brokencyde, Breath Carolina or Blood on the Dance Floor they are so much better!

  2. Nathan Explosion

    Definitely not the best album i have listened to and definitely not the worst.. It’s a mediocre album. I find some of the electronic stuff cool at times and then overkill at other times. I guess they are trying to broaden their audience with this strong electronic influence.

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