Here Are The Best Fake Music Stories From April Fool’s Day


Never trust the Internet on April 1st. Unless it’s that new Rick & Morty episode for season 3 – that shit was the tits!


April 1st is my birthday and one thing that I always get a little kick out of seeing is all of the bullshit music news and band stories that pop on my day of days. All of which are painfully obvious to any self-aware reader or viewer with a brain that these stories are what the States current presidential overlord loves to spout at any given moment – fake news!

This most recent April 1st was no different. I had my birthday, I finished the terrific and final Dark Souls 3 DLC, The Ringed City (it was fucking amazing, thank you for asking) and had a good chuckle or two while scrolling through my social media feeds and seeing dumb articles and people’s clueless reactions to said articles.

So here are four of my favourite BS stories that I saw this past Saturday (and Sunday, because the US is a day behind us Aussies, the greenhorns.)

#1 – Tom Delonge Rejoins Blink-182.

Look, if you believed this painfully obvious bollocks, then I actually feel sorry for you and your existence.

While old mate DeLonge continues to search for extraterrestrial life among the stars and watch re-runs of old sci-fi films to keep his brain pumping with overblown theories, Blink-182 are indeed continuing on as a trio with Alkaline Trio frontman, Matt Skiba, who is still well and truly embedded within their old-man pop-punk folds. And to be fair, going off of their latest single ‘Parking Lot‘ (which wasn’t totally awful like ‘California‘), Blink-182 seem to be doing quite okay without their old, alien-loving member.

#2 – In Hearts Wake To Become A DJ Outfit, To Release Remix EP This Month.

In Hearts Wake are excited to finally unveil the ‘Remixed EP’ featuring some of Australia’s best EDM producers. IHW are also looking forward to manning the decks on tour this July as they take the EP around Australia! Welcome to the weekend that never has to end.

Those were the words that emblazoned In Hearts Wake’s Facebook page on Saturday night with the accompanying below video of a remix track called ‘Welcome To Mayhem‘. This (actually solid) remix track, named after a lyric from their ‘Refuge‘ song, comes from their ‘Remixed EP‘ which is out April 31st. Except, there’s just one problem there – 2017’s calendar year does not have an April 31st. Check and mate.

Oh, and there is also a tour happening for this remix stuff in June? Good god, if this is indeed a joke, it’s gone way too far. But I suppose the real joke here is that EP would’ve been better than anything found on ‘Skydancer‘. And I’m still sitting here waiting for “Seaskimmer” too! #bringbackbrownricetune&salad.

[Update April 3rd 11:10amIn Hearts Wake just dropped a new song called ‘Warcry‘. It’s… okay. They’re also going on tour this July.]

#3 – Suicide Silence Apologise To Their Fans For That Terrible Fucking Album.

Okay, this one was by far favourite.

Obviously, due to Suicide Silence’s recent comments about their fans, this new horrid release of theirs, and the music industry at large, these backpedalling comments are someone most definitely having you on. Well, yes, that’s the case but who is having you on like an utter ninny? Well, it’s the cheeky buggers from US heavy music outlet, Metal Sucks who cobbled together this “apology” article (not) from the band:

“We know we fucked up. Everyone from our managers to our label reps to our significant others to our personal trainers told us this album would be a disaster, and we didn’t listen to any of them. We had this whole cock and bull story about following our artistic blah blah blah, but the truth is, we were just too proud to admit we were wrong.

“We currently have tour dates scheduled through mid-July. We intend to honor these commitments. However, the moment we’re off the road, we’re heading back into the studio to make a new EP, which will be entitled The Extenuation. It will be out by the end of the year. We’ve already written all the music for this EP and we can promise you it sounds more or less exactly like You Can’t Stop Me. We think you’ll all be pleased.”

Cosmic.

Look, I don’t normally read Metal Sucks, but props to them for this piece – they at least tried here, which is more than I can say for Suicide Silence’s self-titled career suicide. And I’ve said it before and I’ll now say it again – fuck that self-titled album!

ssaf

#4 – Someone Actually Loved The New Front Porch Step Album

So there’s an individual in The Defend Pop Punk Group (which I’m still somehow a member of, despite nowadays being a mere lurker) called Oli Pleydle. This “Oli Pleydle” – if that is their real name – shared a post in the group on Saturday from a Facebook page called Babetalk, with that site’s post about their seemingly positive review of the new Front Porch Step album.

In the shared post, this Babetalk status said that the musicians “second full-length album filled with emotion, introspection, and anguish“, which puts it in a positive light, I felt. Now, considering the shitstorm that was the topic of Front Porch Step back in 2014 and 2015, I thought that this was going to go down either quite well or very, very poorly. Then I noticed that the URL site was called “JAKEMCELFRESH” and realised that this post was probably linking to the now famous primer of that musician’s whole getting-involved-with-fans-some-of-whom-were-underage saga from 2014/2015. And it did.

Lovely troll there, Oli. You almost got me.

Oh, and regarding that new Front Porch Step album, be sure to watch KYS this week, especially our reviews section…


I walk forward to next year’s April Fools, where I turn 23 and can laugh at more pointless bullshit I find on the Internet. Just like any other year of my life, really. 


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