The Stiffys Tour Diary: Part Three

This tour diary was provided in all caps, and had to be significantly reformatted for publication. [Editor's Note]: We usually enjoy The Stiffys yelling at us in caps but thought it'd be best to turn the volume down for this blog. SOZ!

Tour preparation

Hi, everybody! Welcome to our third and final instalment of The Stiffys’ tour diary starring your boys, The Stiffys, and also headline act The Beards!

After we got home from Newcastle, NSW Central Coast, Sydney and Canberra we had some days off so we decided to relax with some drinks and do some radio interviews and send our music video to Channel V and also start a gentleman’s binge drinking event - I mean book club.

Don't miss a beat with our FREE daily newsletter

Thanks for having us Syn FM and sorry again about being so belligerent.

Adam tripped over on a vending machine.

Thursday, 30 Apr - TOOWOOMBA

We woke up to a lot of missed calls saying we were late for the plane and also that Channel V wanted to make us their feature artist of the month so we had some drinks to celebrate all the way to the airport and then all the way to Toowoomba and we chatted to all these girls on the plane but then it got a bit bumpy.

Thanks Channel V for making us one of the four feature artists and also flirting with us on Twitter.

I don’t know if it was the drinks or the extreme weather conditions but things certainly got a bit choppy up there!

We’d like to apologise again to Virgin Airlines about everything.

We spent most of the afternoon doing kickflips in a Toowoomba carpark in front of all these girls and then we played a great show it was probably our best yet Adam was literally on fire the whole time it was straight up amazing.

Independent verification of those kickflips don’t even worry about it guys.

Thanks to John Beardman Junior from The Beards for this footage of your boys The Stiffys.

After the show we were a bit tipsy and I took the opportunity to give Facey McStubblington from The Beards a guitar lesson right before he went on stage but somehow in the process his guitar broke itself or something I do not know how that happened I didn’t spill white wine in it who’s been saying that it wasn’t me it was probably Adam that spilt the wine in there.

We were having literally the best time ever and this is my last memory of Toowoomba.

I actually don’t remember what happened after this.

Friday, 1 May - BRISBANE

Um yeah so not sure what happened between Toowoomba and Byron Bay, The Beards refuse to talk about it, but I’m pretty sure we played the best show of our lives in Brisbane you can believe that everybody.

Sunday, 3 May - BYRON BAY

The Beards’ tour manager said we had to drink mid-strength beer for a little while and cool our jets and also and have a bit of a think about what we’ve done and maybe come up with some sort of life gameplan or something so yeah the mid-strength was really disappointing.

Anyway on a positive note we found our old graffiti piece at the Great Northern Hotel from last year. We do graffiti because we are in a rock band it is a rebellious industry, some would describe us not just a band but also a bad boy crew. A lot of people describe us like that actually, just ask Adam.

Great graffiti The Stiffys!

We smuggled some full strength drinks into the toilet but accidentally got locked in there. That happens a lot to us. Luckily someone let us out just in time to play our set it was probably our best show yet.

They are very strict with their bathroom rules in Byron Bay.

We found out all this lady dance troupe were going on after us so we invested our band fund in all these sachets of wipe on sex appeal and it totally worked we kissed like one thousand dancers that night.

It’s hard to tell if this stuff works because ladies definitely find us heaps sexually appealing all day every day but it can’t hurt so we bought forty of them!

Great job dancing girls sorry not all of you had a chance to kiss us there just wasn’t time we have very busy schedules.

I think maybe all the dancing girls must have lost our number or accidentally gotten separated from us or something so we ended up at the 23 hour bakery across the road, we always do.

Thursday, 7 May - BUNBURY

The Beards’ tour manager finally let us have full strength drinks again because he was sick of us nagging hahaha that’s the thing about dreams guys you have to persevere and always try your best yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway we forgot to take any photos after that because we were all so busy having the best time.

The thing about rock and roll tours is every moment of every day is a party.

Friday, 8 May - MARGARET RIVER

We partied a lot this weekend and neither of us remembered to do anything other than play our set but Margaret River was probably our best show yet The Beards’ sound engineer Dylan Mitrovich recorded some of it thanks Dylan we love you.

Saturday, 9 May - PERTH

We Myspaced girls most of the day and then Adam rode a BMX with no hands for literally over an hour then we played our best show yet. We taught everybody about jazz clicks that’s the new cool way to clap try to keep up everybody we’re starting trends all day every day.

When it came to the crunch a lot of people forgot to click and clapped instead that’s why there’s an awkward mix of clapping and clicking.

Wednesday, 13 May - GLADSTONE

We had such a terrific time in Gladstone The Beards taught us about lasagne toppers and we played the skill tester and this is what our tour bus looks like then we probably played our best show yet!

Lasagne toppers are both the best and worst thing ever, mainly the worst thing, The Beards say they taste better the longer they sit in the Bain Marie.

Nathaniel Beard said that if we settled down a bit and left our drinks in the van he would let us hang out with him for the day and give everyone else a break it was great hahahaha we definitely still brought the drinks we’re a couple of bad boys.

Thursday, 14 May - ROCKHAMPTON

When we woke up after the Gladstone show we found out that The Beards’ tour manager had stored all the leftover drinks in our room after the show hahaha big mistake Tyson anyway we don’t know what happened after that here are some photos we found in our phones Rockhampton was probably our best show yet.

We forgot to pack up after our show and had the best time ever instead.

Hahaha yeah right guys we don’t respect your rules we are in a rock and roll band.

Friday, 15 May - TOWNSVILLE

We got ourselves into a bit of trouble in Townsville because the gambling room was right beside the band room and you know what they say about too many cooks in the kitchen anyway the venue said that we had to ban ourselves from gambling after that or we would never be allowed to play there again.

We’d like to take this opportunity to apologise again to the Dairymple Tavern and also The Beards’ tour manager Tyson about that whole thing.

Saturday, 16 May - CAIRNS

Man oh man what a great place to end the tour Cairns was absolutely everybody’s best show yet The Beards were all enjoying a lot of drinks and The Stiffys were enjoying a lot of drinks it was literally the best night ever we had to physically lock ourselves in the band area because all the ladies were trying to stampede us I suppose it’s poetic really because they were trying to do that the whole tour what a special time what a great tour thanks to The Beards for having us and thanks to The Music for publishing our tour diaries we’ll see everybody soon when we finish our Art Rock 1 record and tour the country again the music business is a hell of a business am I right everybody hahahaha always believe in yourselves.

Great job on having such a great time Cairns apologies to all the ladies we forgot to kiss we’re just so busy you know what with the music business and the drinks.