Find Out Who's Been Naughty Or Nice With This Season's Christmas Singles

20 December 2019 | 1:14 pm | Donald Finlayson

Xmas scholar Donald Finlayson makes a list and checks it twice to find this year's merriest tunes.

As much as we'd love to continue living in the past with classics like A Charlie Brown Christmas and Elvis' Christmas Album, apparently it's good to try new things. And so, with a bathtub full of eggnog and Christmas With Weezer to cleanse the palate, we've checked out the biggest Chrimbo singles of the year. Buckle up and nut up or shut up, 'cus this sleigh ride's about to get bumpy.

DCappella - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

And now, for a group that makes Kidz Bop look like Cannibal Corpse, the singers of DCappella - that's Disney a capella on the streets - sound like LA-types who've been stuck doing cruise ship musicals for half their life. This rendition is so sugary sweet the doctor might have to take your foot after repeated listening.

Elijah Blake - 5 Gold Rings

You ever just get some fruitcake in your grillz and think, "Why can't Christmas be more trap-friendly?" A Young Thug-inspired R&B single, 5 Gold Rings is one of few Yuletide songs you could listen to on your way to the club without the boys dragging you for it.

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Keith Urban - I'll Be Your Santa Tonight

"Oi Mum, did you hear that old mate Keith Urban has a Christmas song out now?" - "Oh, does he now? He's just one great big hunk-a-spunk then isn't he. What's it called?" - "I'll Be Your Santa Tonight" - "Ooh, I wouldn't say no to that! Don't tell ya father."

Michael Bublé - White Christmas

He's only gone and done it again; Michael Bublé - the absolute mad lad - has recorded another version of White Christmas. What'd you need to pay for this time, Michael? Another wing on the Vancouver mansion? At this rate, the kids are gonna get confused and start leaving out cookies for Bublé while Santa becomes a distant memory.

Lea Michele - Christmas In New York

When a song about Christmastime in the Big Apple doesn't even reference being trampled at Macy's, getting price gouged on a real fawkin Noo Yawk hawt dawg or sewer people who try to sell you Gucci knockoffs, you know you're listening to some real inaccurate cornball shit. NEXT!

Pentatonix - The Best Of Pentatonix Christmas

Pentatonix are like those theatre kids who sing too loudly at parties or treat a friendly night of karaoke like it's their audition for The Voice. You can sing, we get it - real life is not the set of Glee. Their Christmas compilation album is out now for horse girls everywhere.

 

Jonas Brothers - Like It's Christmas

Dunno about you lot, but we've always thought that the Jonas Brothers were just a poor man's Big Time Rush. But with their Disney ties severed and their purity rings flushed down the toilet, the Jonas Brothers (and their team of record executives) have managed to pump out a surprisingly tolerable Christmas hit.

 

Little Mix - One I've Been Missing 

Like most Christmas songs focused on a crush or romantic interest, the latest holiday tune from the Spice Girls 2.0 is way more fun if you pretend they're singing about Jesus. The song itself? It's fine, you're not gonna pop a blood vessel hearing it in Myer or anything.

Idina Menzel - A Hand For Mrs Claus ft Ariana Grande

We're all aware who Ariana Grande is, but according to my niece, Idina Menzel is the woman who played Elsa in Frozen. Right, now that that's all cleared up, let's just get straight into it: this sounds like a knock-off Broadway musical made for use in interrogations.

Sting, Shaggy - Silent Night

Finally, some real music. Sting, best known for his portrayal of Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen in David Lynch's Dune, and Shaggy, best known for bringing the heat to school discos back in the 2000s, team up for a very reggae take on Silent Night.