Holiday Sidewinder Takes Us Track By Track Through 'Face Of God'

CONTENT WARNING: This article contains discussion of mental health. If you are suffering from any of the issues that have been discussed or need assistance, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

Like A Wave

This is the first track we started with. Nick had this beautiful Asiatic melody that I wanted to mirror vocally; pure and composed. When you’re in a dark place, you can be nasty and impossible to live with; your mind runs away from itself and sometimes you just have to ride it out like a wave, live through it and wait for it to pass. This was me writing in the fog of that, just raw. 

Swim

Loosely influenced by the Los Angeles state of mind, it starts with the ecstasy of lying in the sun by the sea with a lover. Everyone who goes to Los Angeles is looking for something - love, looks, fame, to make something of themselves; their art. It can become quite a contrived and competitive social environment, with the looming Hollywood mythology of the fallen star, the star fucker, the blacklisted, the burned, broken and failed. It’s easy to lose sight of what matters. Swimming deep is about allowing yourself to sink until you reach rock bottom, to return to the depths of meaning. 

Face Of God

After nearly a decade of struggling with my emotions and my brain taking me on a rollercoaster ride, I was totally exhausted by the time I came to record this record. Nick is like family and I felt I could finally relax and just be truthful and write whatever I felt and he wouldn’t try to change it in anyway, and would let it be imperfect and deeply sad if I wanted it to be. I didn’t have to keep up an appearance of coping. I could forget song structures too and let things come naturally and end without conclusion. I’d been going to Catholic churches in London and Rome - not for religious reasons necessarily but for warmth, visual beauty and music. I started having visions and hallucinations of angels in the churches that terrified me. I’d been suicidal on multiple occasions. I wrote and played the guitar and bass parts on the original demo and it all sounded like it was underwater, which is how you feel when you’re gasping for air and trying to keep your head above it. Nick made me feel better about everything, always, and put a positive bent on it - to go with it, go into the obtuse and esoteric. 

Into The Universe

The song begins with the central refrain from Face Of God (as it was intended to roll in from that song). This was Nick’s moment of inspiration, and I just sang it, over and over and over and over, we stacked the vocals on the original about a thousand times in a kind of trance. That’s when you know it’s good; when you want to just keep listening to it forever. We worked very peacefully and seamlessly together. I’m used to writing at least the melodies and lyrics alone, but I completely trust and respect Nick and if he says "do this”, I’ll probably do it and it will probably be the right thing. 

"Who’s gonna be the friend who laid by your bed?” is a lyric I wrote thinking about my father, who sat by two of his best friends on their death beds, comforting and guiding them through to the next phase. I was wondering who will be that person for me or you? And how special that person is. “Some lovers will chase the sun, I know that’s not for us” is from Nick’s poems - the dose of romance, and I think there’s something earthy and comforting about that - being the people who don’t need to chase the sun. It reminded me of Harry and Caresse Crosby who planned to fly into the sun together as a suicide pact, and started Black Sun publishing company. This song just came out of nowhere, into the universe.

The Gift

This song is really about the gift of romantic love and showing gratitude for it. I was in a long-term relationship with a very beautiful Hindu man - a “protector of the faith” who created a solid and protective space for me to become who I am. There were hummingbirds buzzing around passionflowers in Nick’s garden, and they reminded me of the sweet taste of love!

Myth Of Sisyphus

This record was a return to some of the themes of my teenage years, getting caught up in questioning my existence and reading Albert Camus. I named this instrumental track after an essay he published on Absurdism - the need to attribute meaning to life and the "unreasonable silence" of the universe in response. In Greek Mythology, Sisyphus, who cheated death, was condemned to repeat forever the same meaningless task of pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. 

Casablanca

The album was originally conceived as an abstract 30 minute rolling piece of music with poetry over the top, and some of the pieces of music weren’t asking for a vocal. This is such a classy little slice, it reminded me of the movie Casablanca. Whatever Billy Jay Stein did with the piano, it reminded me of As Time Goes By from the film. It felt old-worldy and glamorous. I like the idea of people sitting in a smoky cafe in Morocco while the rest of the world was at war, waiting to move on to the next place - the next song. The perfect intermission. 

The Best Is Yet To Come

This is a short poem I found and tweaked from Nick’s books that destroyed me, it was so beautiful. I felt he had written it about his wife Gigi, who is also one of my closest friends and it was just bliss to sing it, thinking of her and their love. It was so wonderful for me to see the positive impact she had on him and his life. There’s no greater vicarious joy than seeing the people you love experience being loved and being happy. Nick and I always bonded over being miserable and yet hopeful and hopelessly romantic people, wondering what it’s all about. The best is yet to come. 

Holiday Sidewinder's Face Of God is out now. Check it out below.