Guitarist Quarantined After Displaying Rock 'N' Roll Flu

Marty Hook, guitarist for Sydney band Dirty Knees, has been quarantined after suffering an attack of the sniffles during a gig earlier this week.

It is believed Hook is showing symptoms of rock’n’roll flu, thought to have been eradicated in Australia after the last big outbreak in the ‘80s.

Hook had recently been recording in LA where, according to medical music blog The Puffington Host, rock’n’roll flu has reached plague proportions.

While Hook is yet to display other symptons of the flu – sweats, incomprehensible babbling, 12-minute solos, chain-smoking, texting inappropriate dick pics to female fans and making plans to ‘change the face of music’ – he has been quarantined in the band’s rehearsal room (his mum’s garage) while awaiting test results.

At 5am this morning, Hook posted a Facebook statement to allay the fears of fans: “I admit I did visit some sufferers of rock’n’roll flu while in LA – what can I say, I am a caring guy. But I believe I followed all the procedures to insure I did not contract the disorder. All mirrors, straws and credit cards were sterilised.”

The post went on (and on…), with Hook finally thanking well-wishers: “Thanks to my fans for the vigil they are keeping outside the garage. But my mum would really appreciate it if you used the toilet in the backyard near the shed rather than the magnolia tree next to the letterbox.

“Also could you please not hassle the courier I’m expecting with a package later this afternoon. He is bringing much needed medical supplies.”

A spokesperson for the Health Department is imploring Australian musicians who have been in contact with Hook not to panic. “We believe we have successfully kept rock’n’roll flu at bay since the great 'Fleetwood Mac' outbreak of ‘86.

“Stringent border control protocol - sniffer dogs, toilet cams in airport bathroom cubicles, etc – means we can guarantee not even a hair metal revival band could get a reddened nose past us.”

Hook hopes test results will clear him to play a gig on the weekend, early enough for him to arrive in time to drink the headline gig’s rider but late enough to get out of soundcheck.

He then intends to unveil plans for a major multi-media deal “like nothing ever seen before”… if the courier arrives in time.